Why it’s Important to Support Someone With Cancer and Why You Are Capable

Before we get into the crux of this first “For Loved Ones” blog post, I have one very important thing I want everyone to know:

I WOULD NOT BE HERE TODAY IF I DIDN’T HAVE THE SUPPORT OF MY LOVED ONES DURING MY CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT FOR LEUKEMIA.

My family did not just keep me from dying when I was not in a hospital (even though this is huge in itself). They encouraged me, motivated me, comforted me, kept me from feeling alone, and gave me a reason to live when I couldn’t live for myself.

If you have not yet read my whole chemotherapy story, I recommend that you click here. This may give you some more perspective.

I repeat: I would not have survived cancer without the support of my family around me at all times.

I repeat: I would not have survived cancer without the support of my family around me at all times.

For a countless number of reasons, cancer is something that no one can get through alone.

Cancer patients lose the life that they know. They have very little control. The physical challenges they face can limit their mobility, rob them of their ability to care for themself and cause pain and discomfort.

The physical, mental, and emotional strain of chemo during months or years of treatment—coupled with the ongoing threat of death—is typically too much for one person to bear alone. No one should ever be alone through something like that.

For these reasons and more: Cancer patients need as much support from their loved ones as possible.

I can’t emphasize this enough.

While I understand the challenge, it still astounds me that so many people are ill-equipped when it comes to being there for people with cancer. The majority of people are so uncertain of how to help cancer patients, or if they even can help cancer patients, that they just opt to do nothing.

THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!

Uncertainty becomes an excuse not to try, and then cancer patients feel ostracized in a time they need people the most.

Also, this “support” thing is not something to overthink. Most cancer patients are not expecting you to take away their misery or turn their life into rainbows and butterflies. They know that you can’t say some magic words and cure them of all their ails. 

No, it may not always be convenient or easy, but the needs of cancer patients are actually simpler than you would think. 

And I guarantee that those needs are within your ability to meet. You just have to be willing to try.

This is a vital understanding to have. Believing that you are capable—believing that it actually within your ability to help someone with cancer—is the first thing you need to nail down.

Why?

If you don’t believe something is possible, you are not going to try to do it.

This is why the majority of people don’t even attempt to be there for a cancer patient. These are the kind of people that send you flowers when you get diagnosed and then don’t speak to you again.

Have some faith in yourself, and believe me when I say that you can help.

If you believe that, then all you need is a bit of detailed guidance on HOW to help. And that is what I am here for! 🙂

Contrary to popular belief, there are a lot of ways you can support cancer patients. Some of the ways you can offer support are small, simple, and sweet.

However, depending on how close you are to the patient, your support may require dedication, selflessness, and sacrifice. This type of care is not always easy or convenient. 

And this brings me to another common obstacle that keeps people from trying to support people who have cancer: 

This is true, I’m not going to mislead you. 

But even when the task is an undesirable one, you are more capable than you know.

How do I know you can do what it takes to support a cancer patient? Simple:

You have a lot more to give than they do right now.

You have more freedom, mobility, control, energy, and time. You have your health. Your life is not on the line.

Your needs and desires right now are smaller than your loved one who is battling cancer. Your problems are likely a lot smaller. The things you want can come second. In reality, you can put a lot on the backburner if you choose to.

Think realistically about your needs versus the needs of the person with cancer.

Accepting and agreeing to these things can be understandably uncomfortable. Most people don’t enjoy being selfless. Most people want to focus on their own life.

A person’s individual priorities are what usually comes first.

You have to choose to make that cancer patient a priority, even before you know what that may look like. 

Humans fight tooth and nail to be able to do the things they want. When something is important to someone, they find a way to make it happen. 

If something is a priority, you will dedicate time and energy to it because it matters to you—you won’t give up just because it is a difficult or inconvenient process.

The majority of the things we want in this life (even the good things) require work, dedication, the sacrifice of other things, time, and energy.

When you want to support someone with cancer, you have to make supporting them with one of your priorities. If you love or care deeply about this person, doing this can feel like second nature.

The goal of everything I just said was not guilt you or make you feel selfish. Not at all!

It was written to help you understand the extent of your own capabilities. You can’t help a person if you don’t first recognize what you have to give.

But by now, you should know that you do have it within you to support someone with cancer.

You have the ability to make your loved one a priority and be selfless.

You have the ability to be there for that person you care about… You just have to choose to be there.

And that right there is the first and most important step in supporting any cancer patient:

Choose to be there for a cancer patient and show that you sincerely want to be.

When you willingly choose to be there for someone with cancer, it means that your support is genuine.

It’s like paying someone to date you VS someone choosing to date you. There is a huge difference in authenticity.

And here is a pro tip: attitude is everything.

If being selfless and making the person you want to support a priority feels like a chore to you, you will have problems.

You will not only dislike supporting them, you will hurt that person you care about because they will sense it. You have to be there for them because you want to be.

If you truly want to be there, no matter what you have to do, it won’t feel like a chore.

Cancer patients need and want an authentic kind of support. It doesn’t matter what you are doing to help; if you are not there because you genuinely want to be there—if you are only there because you feel obligated or feel like you don’t have a choice—the cancer patient will know it.

I’m telling you, cancer patients are like bloodhounds. We have an unparalleled nose for determining who actually cares about us.

When diagnosed, most cancer patients will have everyone and their dog contacting them with apologetic condolences (almost as if they already died) and the declaration of “I am here for you if you need anything!”

When I was initially diagnosed with leukemia, I was contacted by close to two hundred people from my school and community (you never know how popular you truly are until you almost die). They all claimed they would be there for me and called me strong. Guess how many of those people actually stuck around to directly support me?

Two people. Two out of two-hundred. They are now two of my best friends.

They never knew for certain what to say or what to do, but they always tried their best. They stuck around and did what they could because they cared about me. And that was all I really needed from them.

The majority of cancer patients don’t care about what you are doing to help; they just want you to genuinely want to be there because you care.

That line right there would be the first sentence in the “How to Support Cancer Patients, for Dummies” book.

It is rarely easy to be there for someone with cancer. It takes personal growth and typically requires some degree of change in your lifestyle and priorities.

But love requires sacrifice sometimes.

Supporting the people we love when they need us is one of the greatest capabilities humans have.

We do not have to sacrifice the people we love in order to survive.  It is not us or them. We are not like other animals. We have the ability to take care of ourselves and others for a reason.  Use this ability.

I encourage you to internalize everything on this page and make the choice we talked about above

There is a cancer patient out there who needs you.