Playing the Cards You Were Dealt When You Have Cancer

Playing the cards you were dealt when you have cancer is difficult. 

PREFACE:

Reading content on Complicated Cancer is like taking a tour of the inside of my mind (I know…. yikes!). There are MANY parts of my psyche that are terrifying, including the part that really enjoys… *drumroll*

  PHILOSOPHY!

Ok, all you people out there who just cringed, BEAR WITH ME! It’s worth it, I promise.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with philosophy, let me give you a brief description!  Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental questions about existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language. We philosophers like to ask questions like:

“Why do we exist?”

“Is free will real or just an illusion?”

“What actions are moral and why?”

Or, (in the case of the ancient Stoic philosophers): “How do you know that you know something?

And if you know that you know something, how do you know that you know that you know something?

This can lead to an infinite iteration. WOO HOO!!! 

That last question is fun to ask at parties when you want to piss someone off! 🙂 

We also LOVE to use words like “therefore”, “thus”, and “hence” in casual conversations!

In other (non-philosophical words):

“We don’t have a choice in what cards we are dealt in this game of life. But we do have a say in how we choose to play those cards.”

A life with cancer seems like one of the worst hands a person could possibly be dealt. I admit, when I first realized that cancer was permanently in my cards, I was livid.  I wanted to find the card dealer and threaten their life or, at the very least, politely tell them that they f***** up.

Lucky for this infamous card dealer, I couldn’t locate them to carry out these things…

I was completely powerless to change my cards.

One of the (many) reasons battling cancer is so difficult is that those who fight it lose a great deal of control. 

Why is this hard?

Human beings like to be in control. It’s as simple as that.

We want what we want when we want it, and we want to have it on our own terms.

We like to decide where we go, what we do, when we do it, and how we do it.

And for the most part, this is how we live our lives.

When you get dealt the cancer card and begin chemotherapy, most of this control goes away. The kind of control listed above is not conducive to chemo treatment. 

On the best days:

 – You lose your health and the ability to live pain-free.

– You can’t control how you look.

– Your mobility is restricted because of physical limitations or poor immune system function.

– Your schedule revolves around chemo treatments, hospital stays, doctor’s appointments, and other medical procedures.

– You don’t know if you will be able to keep food down or sleep.

– You question if you will even survive.

In summary, you lose your most essential form of control: The ability to just live life.

When you have cancer, you stare down at the cards in your hand and feel hopeless. Playing the cards you were dealt and trying to win seems impossible.

When you have cancer, it essentially guarantees that the game of life will be harder for you to play. It means you will face challenges that other people never have to worry about.

 And it is incredibly unfair. Believe me, I know. 

 I didn’t choose to come down with a deadly disease. I didn’t choose to come face to face with my own mortality and endure two-and-a-half-years of life-altering chemotherapy.

The hand I was dealt is not a desirable one to have in this game we all play. This was common knowledge. It was a hand that I had no power to change. It is a hand that could only ever bring me suffering. 

Or so I thought…

Did I forget to mention that philosophy is all about challenging and changing previously-held beliefs by using indisputable facts and logic?

BECAUSE MY GOD, IT DOES A GOOD JOB

Somewhere along the line of my battle with cancer, I stumbled across this quote and  realized something:

I was not powerless.

I had no say in the hand that I was dealt, but I DID have control over what I chose to do with those godforsaken cards.

How I played my cards was one bit of control that I could take back in a world where I felt like I had none.

It was my “Ha! Cancer can’t take all my power from me!” moment.

As soon as I made that my new mindset, it was like a light bulb came on.

Just feeling like I had taken back one ounce of control was enough to encourage me. 

I refused to believe that I was trapped in hell by some sinister card dealer. Instead, I chose to focus on the good that could come from such an undesirable hand. I was determined to find some way to redeem my trails.

I began to see that I had the ability to find happiness despite what I was going through.

It was then that I realized SOMETHING ELSE:

And, not going to lie, if I ever get pulled over for speeding (it’s bound to happen) I am going to pull that cancer card and get myself out of a ticket.

Seriously, that card is like diplomatic immunity.

Don’t get me wrong. It has not been easy. There are many days where I still look at the cards in my hand and want to scream or cry at how unfair it is (and sometimes I do). But I don’t let myself stay there for long. Because when I am in that place, when I have that mindset, I lose what control I do have.

I will repeat this because it is important: I am not powerless.

And neither are you. Even when you feel like the world is hopelessly out of control.

If you are reading this right now, thinking “This Aspen person is out of her mind. She’s idealistic. She doesn’t get how hard life is…”

I want to welcome you as a new reader! You must not have read ANYTHING ELSE ON MY BLOG that details exactly how hard my life has been.  If this is you, click here now.

I wouldn’t be saying any of this if I didn’t get what it was like to truly suffer.

I don’t give any advice to people that is out of my “area of experience” so to speak.

So if you are struggling right now. If you feel just completely screwed over by cancer, I want you to trust me when I say that you do have control.

Learning how to play the cards in your hand takes time. But it is possible. 

 The first step is simply remembering that you have control over how you play them.

 The second step is believing that there is good to be had, no matter what your hand looks like.

Remember that a pair of two’s can beat an ace in a game of poker.

To give you another non-card-related analogy:

Fire can either burn down an entire forest or bring someone lifesaving warmth. It is all about how it is used.

Cancer brings various degrees of suffering to anyone’s life, but it can also instill potential for strength, tenacity, wisdom, and resilience.

Like the fire can bring warmth, cancer gives you the potential to do amazing things and be better equipped and more experienced than the people who were dealt “more ideal” hands (if such a thing exists).  

Understand that this game is not what you think.

It’s not about whether you win or lose. And when this life ends the same way for everyone, does anyone really win? Every moment that leads up to the end is what counts. Those are the moments that make up your life, and how you play your hand shapes what those moments will look like.

It’s not about who has the best hand. In this game of life, you are not playing against anyone.

You are playing your own game and determining what your own life looks like. The only way to win this game is to play your cards in a way that leaves you proud of who you are and what you choose to do despite what cards were in your hand.

It is about how you choose to play your cards. That is what counts.

I believe that when you have that cancer card in your hand, you have the ability to become something greater than you know. (And not just because you can get away with small crimes).

I didn’t choose the life I was given or get a say in the hand I was dealt, but I can dictate how to play my cards in this game that is life.

 And I have no intention of losing. I will make the future I desire a reality. I will get to a place where I feel truly alive.

Regardless of the cards I hold in my hand, I only get one life. And I intend not to waste it.

No matter what I feel, folding is not an option.

We all have control. We just have to learn how to use it.

As we come to a close here, I want you to remember one final thing as you leave this page today.

Here is Norman Cousin’s quote:

 “Life is like a game of cards. The hand you’re dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.”

But I have to add my own little bit of “philosophy” to it:

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand you’re dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will. And never forget that life continues to deal you new cards.”

I know exactly how it feels to be in such a bad place that you can’t feel hope.

But the funny thing about the game called life is that your cards can change. Life is constantly in flux. Remember that the unexpected is always possible.

And who knows what cards you will have to play down the road?